Would you like to cry a lot?

'Cause I sure did.

This is fantastic.

Oh, Wrigleyville

The part of Lakeview that surrounds Wrigley Field is known as "Wrigleyville." One of the defining features of Wrigleyville is the number of drunk people who fill its streets.

When I was planning to move to Chicago, I sent out a survey to all my friends who lived there already, asking about neighborhoods and such. "Don't live in Wrigleyville because of the loud drunk people" was not an uncommon response. And it's true--game days, any drinking holidays, you name it, there is a crowd of people drinking in Wrigleyville. 

Now, I will probably sound judgmental in this post, and that is not my intent. I am out of step with the drunken folks of Wrigleyville, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them. I don't have a problem with people going out and having a good time. In fact, I sometimes envy the uninhibited, devil-may-care attitude they seem to possess. I am too self-aware, and too self-conscious, maybe.

However, as I was walking through Wrigleyville today, I started to compose the following list.

Seven Things I am Almost Positive I Will Never Do, Even Though I Generally Believe Saying "Never" is a One-way Ticket to Whatever It is You Just Said You Wouldn't Do:

1. I will never wear a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo.
2. I will never sit on the curb at 6pm, and throw up into a Victoria's Secret Bag, unless I have the flu. Hopefully, I won't do that at 2am, either, but you know, life's weird.
3. I will never stand on a very high balcony, in a very short dress, immediately over the street, and drunkenly yell at passersby I know.
4. I will never travel in a pack of girls who are basically all wearing the same outfit, unless I join a color guard team, marching band, or something else that makes you be in a parade.
5. I will not wear a leprechaun suit on Cinco de Mayo, either. I also won't wear one on St. Patrick's Day, just so we're clear.
6. I won't get drunk on my front steps and yell "Sexy dad! Sexy dad!" incessantly at the guy jogging the double stroller.
7. I will not use a grocery cart to transport my friend with a broken foot, especially while drunk, because the sidewalks are uneven, and (as witnessed this evening) it's really hard to get one over the curb.

I think these aren't unreasonable things to assume won't happen.
 Of course, I've been wrong before. 

Neighborhood Happenings

I have had some scary neighbors in my day. We all remember the Hell Troll who lived upstairs in my first apartment, and Hot Mess who lived next door in my second one. Actually, I don't think I ever referred to him as "Hot Mess" on my blog, but consider him monikered. He was indeed a Hot Mess. A hard-drinking, gun-toting, crackhead-befriending hot mess.  My current neighbors are amazing in their non-evil. The most annoying thing that happens is sometimes someone practices their bass for a really long time, or monopolizes the washing machine.

So it is with a bit of nostalgia that I noticed some crazy in the 'hood this week. I have a great view of my alley, which adjoins a parking lot, where a lot of drunken stuff tends to go down on weekends.

Usually the drunken stuff is just people yelling at each other, or laughing hysterically. And it's almost exclusively on Friday and Saturday nights. This was a Tuesday.  I was sitting on the couch, writing away, when I started listening:

Warning! If you are offended by vulgar language, do not continue!

A Short Scene.

So there's a guy in the parking lot, standing in an empty parking space, yelling at a guy who's inside the door way of an adjacent apartment building.

Guy: They towed my fucking car! What the fuck? How the fuck was I supposed to know I couldn't park here? What the FUCK?

Guy in Apartment: (At regular volume) Something I couldn't hear, because it was at regular volume. My guess is he said something reasonable, like, "These are private parking spaces, not associated with that restaurant over there."

Guy: What the fuck?! If this isn't the restaurant parking lot, you should have a FUCKING SIGN!!!!
(He continues to scream, as more people from inside the apartment building gather in the doorway.) You should have a sign! How am I supposed to fucking know this isn't for the restaurant? How would I know that? You can't tow someone if you don't have a fucking SIGN!

Guy in Apartment: Points out large sign on the side of the building, warning people they will be towed.

Guy: THAT'S YOUR SIGN???!!!!

He goes on to explain all the ways in which the sign is inadequate, I'm assuming. I just heard a lot of yelling, and swearing. It got kind of aurally blurry. Finally, he wanders away. The entire encounter went on for about ten minutes.

----

Several things struck me about this scene.
1. How much it sucks to find out your car has been towed.
2. But the people who live in the apartment didn't tow it, dude.
3. How long it's been since I heard suspicious shouting, and wondered if I should call the police. Because that used to happen once a week.

Ah...

The Negative Voice in my Head is not exactly a Master of Disguise

I've noticed that ye olde Negative Voice in my Head is picking new targets. This is, as I have referenced before, a classic tactic. I outsmart the jerk, and it comes back, wearing a new hat and thinking I won't notice.

So currently, the Voice is not poking at how I eat, or dress, or talk, or write. No, no. I recognize that stuff. Now the Voice is mad because I'm not reading enough. Or being intellectual enough. And am watching too much 30 Rock and Portlandia.

Tricky, tricky Voice.

I'm pretty sure the Voice in my head doesn't actually want me to spend my evenings reading Proust. The Voice doesn't want to accomplish any of its supposed goals. In fact, the Voice only has one goal: To make me feel bad. That's it. That's all it wants.

It hides behind wanting me to be "healthy", and "real", and "intellectual," and "smart." But really, deep down, all it wants is for me to conclude, "I've become an idiot, and have no attention span, and there is something TERRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG WITH ME!"

The world does not end if I spend a few evenings on the couch. Eventually, I will want to do something else. And then something else. I must also confront my own snobbery that makes me think I'm actually a better person if I read books instead of watching television. (Silly hierarchial mindset, in a broad sense there aren't any good people. Or bad people. There are people. Sometimes they read books and sometimes they watch tv.)

Living truthfully within each moment (is that Meisner or Zen?), I must acknowledge that sometimes my most truthful impulse is to eat popcorn and watch tv. And that I will still be whatever and whoever I am, without proving all of those things every second.

Back under your rock, Voice. And take off that stupid hat.

It has been brought to my attention

That I haven't posted on my blog in a long time. There are a couple of reasons for this. The big one is I've been assistant stage managing a play, and that has eaten up all of my time. Also, I got a really bad cold. Also, I teach a lot. And while I've certainly been thinking a lot, I haven't been writing a lot.
Here are some observations:

1. The weather is insane, and I am feeling very mixed about it. It's been in the high seventies for a few days now, and it's beautiful, really it is. Sunny, blooming flowers, gorgeous. But it's also creepy. Because there is usually a gradual unfolding of spring, and this feels rushed and ominous. I'm thinking hot summer...and melting ice caps.

2. St. Patrick's Day in Chicago is craaaaazy.

3. I went to the awesome Mexican market nearby...and was once again filled with the joy of my multicultural neighborhood.

4. I like assistant stage managing.

5. My short play goes up next week. My short film premieres this week. This makes me feel better about not writing lately--see, I have written things!

6. Happy spring!

Update

I have completed the cleanse. I am feeling pretty good. It was a lot easier than I anticipated. I got into a groove. However, I don't have anyone else's preferences to take into account. During the weekend, when I had company, it was a little less convenient. For some reason, the company did not want any part of my kale smoothie. Whatever. Also, when I'm alone I almost never go to restaurants. I may have had some unidentified soy on Saturday night (Sunday was the last day of the cleanse), though I tried to avoid it. The cleanse would have been much harder if I ate out a lot, or had someone else in the house, eating bread.

Today was the first day I tried reintroducing a food, and even then, I did it gradually. I haven't done anything with wheat yet, just had some muffins made with oat bran and rye. I don't observe any definite ill effects, so we'll see. The interesting thing is how complex a muffin seemed to me. I've been eating only super-whole foods, so anything with flour seems very complicated. The muffins were sweetened with grape juice, and they seemed really sweet to me. Tonight I chewed a piece of gum, and the intensity of the flavor was overwhelming and distracting. I couldn't concentrate, I was getting minted to death. Interesting.

I am hesitant to experiment with caffeine. I would really like it if I drank coffee a little more like I drink alcohol--very occasionally. I don't want it to be a daily part of my life. There are a few reasons for this:
1. Caffeine is no good for me.
2. If I consume less coffee, I can make sure more of what I do consume is fair trade.
3. But I don't want to never drink coffee again.

In other news, my Viola Swamp plan is going well so far. Muahaha.

Ah, this is the "winter" thing they've all been warning me about

It's really cold.
I know, I asked for it, I'm the one who moved to Chicago, but let me just say, "Man, it's cold!" Because it is.
It's also snowing like crazy right now, and it took me two hours to get home from work (which is normally 35 minutes away).
I was a mean teacher and kept the shades closed all day. There is nothing more distracting to elementary students than a snowstorm. Today was my last day with this group of kids, and next week I get an entirely new batch. I have learned a lot in the first half of the school year. Next week's kids are getting a different Ms D. than I was in August. I'm pretty much reenacting the children's book "Miss Nelson is Missing." Just call me Miss Viola Swamp . Heh, heh.
So there was no snow when I went into work, and at least four inches when I got out of work, and probably two more inches by the time I got home. Occasionally the snow appears to be falling horizontally.
I'm still glad I live here.